...so i touched it.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
