in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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