We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
