I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
