you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
