he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
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