Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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