Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
They took my balls.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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