sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
