cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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