I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Randomize
