dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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