btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
