The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
