Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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