it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
This gyro tastes like lonliness
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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