the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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