i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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