Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize