4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
