I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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