When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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