he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
