I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
