you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
