dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
