she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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