WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
