he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
