Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
