we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
