So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
