there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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