I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
