Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
You took a bar mat shot.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
