He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
