Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
