Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
