Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Randomize
