I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
