Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
