I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
