She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize