Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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