You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
