Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
