so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I puked a lego.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
