can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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