Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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