Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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