I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
