You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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