giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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