i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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