Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
