He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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