5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
