EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize