So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
