The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
