You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
