Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
