my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
