Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
