I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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