what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
whose parrot is this?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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