so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
so that wasnt chicken after all
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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