we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
