Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
