I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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