He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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