What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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