I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize
