apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
