Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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