We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
as a side note pls kill me
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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