my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
