What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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