Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
