I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
