my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
