sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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