six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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