so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
