During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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