see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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