This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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