Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
