btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
