Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
He felt like a one man threesome
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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