i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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